To say that I used to struggle with confidence & identity, would be downplaying it...

This wasn't a normal lack of confidence, just when talking to girls or when playing a sport... it was a lack of direction & purpose with everything I did & everybody I interacted with..

When I looked in the mirror, I almost couldn't recognize myself. I didn't know who I was.. but I knew I was made for more. But every time I looked in the mirror.. I was faced with exactly who I was, right there in that moment. And that's was the issue... I had no idea who I was. I just knew that I was extremely far from who I actually wanted to become.

This led me into a spiral. I tried to "find myself" but I didn't have the first clue where to look. I tried everything I could get my hands on, from drinking & partying... to self help books & every workout program you can think of... I was searching, everywhere. But never found what I was looking for.. until it hit me.

I remember so vividly.. being drunk at a halloween party. Surrounded by so many people, yet feeling the most alone & lost I had ever been in my life...

In the midst of all the noise, the yelling and singing, and the music blasting, it was as if everything stopped for a moment for just me, I was able to see everything around me all at once, and it an instant, I hear a still, quiet whisper ask "What.. are you doing?" this was from the Lord, The Holy Spirit. I believe that question addressed more than in that specific moment of being at that party, more so.. all of the wrong decisions that led up to that moment. "What am I doing with my life?" I thought in addition to the original question. And to be completely honest... I couldn't answer either of those questions, because I didn't have the first clue.

I realized that the problem wasn't me needing to find something out in the world, a special book, magical program or some profound message externally...

that was NEVER going to address the root problem.. internally. My identity. I didn't know who I was. That's why no amount of "self-help" books would help me.. because I didn't know who I was.

Once I started implementing small habits based on the identity of the man I dreamed of becoming vs who I was currently... only then, did I start to build discipline & began to see a change in how I thought & acted.

This was the beginning of my identity's rebirth in Christ. I started to see... everything differently. From interactions at work... to speaking to random strangers in public...

I began to do things I never thought imaginable. I began to control how I acted, how I approached things, and the decisions I made. I was finding my identity in Christ not in the world, and that gave me confidence in every aspect of my life.

I was no longer controlled by the negative thoughts and emotions in my mind. I began to act based on the man I knew I could become, rather than the man I thought I was damned to be.